Why God, WHY?

Why?  That one worded question has been on my mind a lot recently.   I have so many questions I want answered, and all I can say is, why?  I lift my head up to the sky and ask God, why?  Why am I stuck here?  Stuck in this unhappy place.

I’ve even been mad at Him for not getting me to where I need to be.  I know, His timing is everything.  I know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  My marriage is in shambles, has been for I don’t know how long.  What’s worse is, I want so bad to talk to y’all about it, to get it off my chest.  To, help me realize I’m not crazy, but I don’t think I’m ready to dive in that deep.

I can say this – we met young, were pregnant a short 6 months later.  After our first child was born, something hit me – I believe it was God waking me up.  He was telling me it was time to grow up.  I did.  My son’s father, however, wasn’t fully on board.  I went to work when our son was 6 months old, he stayed home sleeping all day.  He’s been in trouble with the law a few times, and even today, he has no license.  But, the thing that bothers me most is, the marriage we have, is not the marriage I want my kids to believe in.  There’s also affairs.  He’s left me when things were not good, to be with someone else.  The big thing, he’s addicted to prescription medicine.  I just don’t believe I’m suppose to raise my kids in a house that has all of this going on.

I only work part time, the last year and a half I have desperately been searching for a  full time job.  10 interviews later and nothing.  I don’t know what to do.  I’ve prayed and prayed about this and I just don’t know what to do.  I have no family here, I don’t have the funds to be on my own and support myself and my kids.  I’m lost.  Stuck here – asking God, why?

I’m exhausted.  Depressed.  Anxious.  Life took a turn, an unexpected one at that.  God is here with me.  I know He is, and some times, I just sit and pray that He wrap His arms around me; I feel it when He does.

Isaiah 41:10
‘so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

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14 thoughts on “Why God, WHY?

  1. No matter what, God is always with us. You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your kids. Whatever situation he puts you in, whether it’s staying, or leaving to protect your kids, God will take care of you. Praying for you..

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  2. Coming from a child raised in a home similar to what you described I can tell you that the best thing my mom ever did was leave. Sure it was tough. Sure we were soo broke. Sure we had to live with family because my mom could not afford for us to live on our own at first. Yes it was hard to watch her struggle but not as hard to watch her live in a horrible, abusive environment. And you know what? My mom is my hero. She is the strongest person I know. I gained a lot of respect and love for her watching her make it on her own with us in tow. Praying for you today. Do you have a church you attend? Maybe you can seek some help from them?

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    1. Okay sorry I didn’t finish my train of thought, but that’s what happens with two little ones running around. I am in no way suggesting you leave or get a divorce. What I meant with the church comment was you should seek help from them with counseling for you and your husband if he’ll go, and maybe even the kids. Also, maybe they could help with job hunting. My mom didn’t wake up one day and decide to leave, she spent months seeking advice from our pastor, friends, and family before she ever decided to do anything. Also, we leaved in TN at the time and all her family was in FL it was a a lot of work. I pray that you will seek wise counsel from God and pastors, trusted friends and family, and your own heart before making any decisions. If you are looking for a church, I attend Calvary Baptist Church in Winter Garden, FL we’d love for you to come visit.

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  3. It’s so hard when things get difficult to remember that God is good. I really commend you for remembering that. What a test you’re in right now! I pray that you DO feel God’s arms wrapped around you in ways you’d never expect. Blessings to you–I’ll continue to follow along with your story. Keep us posted.

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  4. i’ll be praying you’ll feel God close. My heart aches for you. God will lead as you put your trust in Him. I’d find a pastor or trusted Christian to help with your needs and for guidance. God often uses His people to help others. I so admire you and the desire you have to provide a Christian home for you family.

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  5. Wow this sounds so rough. I feel for you and the kids. Have you considered going with him to a counselor or to talk to a pastor/priest? Praying for God to grant you extra strength and wisdom.

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  6. Oh sweet mama… This is such a broken world, and so much of what are hearts long for cannot be found in this world. But you are so right, God is right there with you. He is carrying you as you take on the role of single motherhood (totally just read your about page…). When the why questions flow with only feelings as the words are not there, He is still there holding you, loving you and patiently leading you one step at a time.

    I know your life isn’t what you had dreamed, as your heart is breaking now, but you have a Hope to cling to and you travel forward. You are in my prayers.

    Marissa

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  7. Imagine a few years from now when you are empowering women that are in your current situation. Stick Close to the Lord. He is strengthening you for His purpose. Let HIS strength be your strength.

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