Why? That one worded question has been on my mind a lot recently. I have so many questions I want answered, and all I can say is, why? I lift my head up to the sky and ask God, why? Why am I stuck here? Stuck in this unhappy place.
I’ve even been mad at Him for not getting me to where I need to be. I know, His timing is everything. I know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. My marriage is in shambles, has been for I don’t know how long. What’s worse is, I want so bad to talk to y’all about it, to get it off my chest. To, help me realize I’m not crazy, but I don’t think I’m ready to dive in that deep.
I can say this – we met young, were pregnant a short 6 months later. After our first child was born, something hit me – I believe it was God waking me up. He was telling me it was time to grow up. I did. My son’s father, however, wasn’t fully on board. I went to work when our son was 6 months old, he stayed home sleeping all day. He’s been in trouble with the law a few times, and even today, he has no license. But, the thing that bothers me most is, the marriage we have, is not the marriage I want my kids to believe in. There’s also affairs. He’s left me when things were not good, to be with someone else. The big thing, he’s addicted to prescription medicine. I just don’t believe I’m suppose to raise my kids in a house that has all of this going on.
I only work part time, the last year and a half I have desperately been searching for a full time job. 10 interviews later and nothing. I don’t know what to do. I’ve prayed and prayed about this and I just don’t know what to do. I have no family here, I don’t have the funds to be on my own and support myself and my kids. I’m lost. Stuck here – asking God, why?
I’m exhausted. Depressed. Anxious. Life took a turn, an unexpected one at that. God is here with me. I know He is, and some times, I just sit and pray that He wrap His arms around me; I feel it when He does.
‘so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.