Lost in Faith

faith

I’m losing faith.  Losing faith in myself and the fact that I’ll be stuck in this rut forever.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been ‘stuck’ in the same place in life for the last 10 years.  I’m not going anywhere.  It’s like I’m riding on one big wave.  I have a job that I’m thankful for, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

More importantly, I have my life and I have my kids.  I’m blessed beyond measure, but I’m not handing the things I dwell on, to God.  That is so hard for me to do.  Letting go, and letting God.  Let me give my worries to Him and be able to live more – for Him.

I feel like I have so much to offer, but I’m so busy over-thinking and worrying, that I’m lost.  I constantly question why I’m still in this dark place within my life.  I can live with the anxiety, but I’m getting tired of living unhappy.  Living with someone, who I’ve felt, has brought me down instead of up.  I watch him living his life, getting what he wants, and then, I watch him dwindling down to nothing while he is high on cloud 9.

It’s not fair.  That’s what I keep hearing myself saying.  I want to succeed, I want my kids to succeed and learn about respect.  Looking around, I see the things I COULD have had.  Now, I look around and see the things I don’t have.  cross

It’s time I turn the ‘me and I’s’ around and turn them into, “What does HE want”?  And, what does He want for me?  It’s time to let him take control.  I’m afraid.  Anxious.  Nervous.  Overwhelmed.  But, it’s’ time.  If I have to live in an unhappy home, if even for a short while longer, I will.  I will have to find it in me, to have faith.  Something I’ve lost so long ago.

I know I can’t go on much longer.  I want to walk closer to God, like I once did.  I want to feel His loving arms wrap around me.  Telling me it’s OK.  Those are the things I want and need.

Have you ever felt lost in your faith?

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Lost in Faith

  1. Yes I have, but as of right now I am lost in who I am in Him. I am beginning the world of empty nesting and I am not sure who “I” am outside of wife and mom. Thank you for your honesty in your struggle.

    Like

  2. I’ve been right where you are – feeling fully blessed with everything He has provided, yet feeling like there is more, somewhere… I found that the more time I spend with God, the more I see His purpose. And sometimes, that purpose is to just “be” in a quiet place. When I feel like everything is perfect, those are the moments I can really reflect on God and all HIs blessings. I don’t wait for some tragic thing to happen to see a miracle because I am LIVING the miracle. Blessings to you on your journey 🙂

    Like

  3. I can’t tell you the numbers of times I’ve felt lost in myself, and I realize that the key is to focus less on me and more on the greater picture. When you restrict yourself so much that you exclude the elements larger than yourself, it’s easy to feel trapped. While I’m not saying that’s what you need, I’m saying thank you for writing this post, to remind me that I’m not alone when I feel trapped and stagnant. – Jerusha, TheDisneyChef.com

    Like

  4. I don’t feel like I’m losing faith but I do wonder… what Lord sometimes. I manage a small nonprofit that I feel should be bigger, doing more for others and helping way more people than we are. I’ve invested in a full time job for the last 15 years only to not get a raise for the last 3 and the raises before that was only a little over 1% although I’ve made them quite a bit ofmoney. I want more opportunity to Spread the Joy of the Lord but wonder what.. when.

    I just wonder.

    and then, I keep going, asking God to direct and give me courage to walk the journey I’m on.

    Walk on oh mighty Christian… walk on.

    @spreadingJOY

    Like

  5. Control is a hard thing to give to God – because we like to think we have it all figured out, and that we can do this all on our own. But the truth is, God’s control and His plan are SO much better than we ever could dream of. Keep on keeping on, sister. God’s got you.

    Like

  6. So sorry you are in this dark place. It is not fun. I am getting out of a dark place myself and have realized that it takes radical change to get where God wants me to be.
    ‘I want to walk closer to God, like I once did. I want to feel His loving arms wrap around me.’ I would consider what you were doing at the time when you were walking closer with God and start there. Praying for deliverance.

    Like

  7. I’ve gone through faith droughts… They preceed great breakthroughs with Christ. Hang there… We serve a might God who does big amazing things.

    Marissa

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s