Here I sit; Alone. Kids are asleep and I’ve got a dog sitting next to me. I guess this is the beginning of my new life. A life of singleness. Yea, I’ll be a single mom of 2 for a very long time. I’m at a point in my life where I’m all, “hey, I can do this, I am OK with this.” Really? I’m not! Deep down inside, I’m crumbling. I want nothing more than to open my eyes and let this all be a dream. Is there an ‘easy’ button for this new phase of life I’m about to face?
Let’s face it; this is something that I need to do. Not just for my kids, but for me. You heard me! ME! I’ve been unhappy and confused for what feels like forever. I need this time to collect my crumbled body up off the ground. Molding myself into a new ‘me’ is going to be a journey I’m afraid, yet willing, to take. None of us really know what our futures hold, do we? And if we did, I’m sure we’d all be in a better place. Hell, had I known I’d be at this place in life, I would’ve done something an awful long time ago!
I’m sure that none of the single, divorced mother’s out there ever thought they’d be just that; single and divorced…add having kids and it’s no wonder why we sit around drinking wine while watching sappy Lifetime movies! But, here we are – being ‘single mom wine drinkers’ and all.
I’m not as mad, as I am hurt by the outcome of my marriage. But, let’s face it; I’m downright disgusted in having a marriage ruined by cheating. I’m also hurt at the failure of a family that once was. Two years. That’s how long it’s been since the ‘deed’ was done, and I’ve come to realize, it will never go away. I’m made to believe it’s me who’s done wrong, when there are two at fault. I’d rather sit and cry, than to be lead to believe this is all me. After all, where is he tonight? Out.
So, here I sit – alone, and with my dog. Surprisingly enough, there’s no wine involved, and no Lifetime movie on. Instead, I’m left with my thoughts bustling around in my head.