I know it’s been a minute since I’ve been around, but here I am.
I’ve noticed that when my anxiety gets bad, I take a break from things. This blog being one of those ‘things’. Sometimes, I just get writer’s block!
So, where to start. For starters – my anxiety is causing me to worry excessively. I’m a worrier by nature; I think it’s not only a female thing, but most definitely a mother thing. Now, I’m getting older and I feel like it’s time I really start looking after myself and my health. Only, I don’t have health insurance. I can’t afford it. I should say, I’m in my last year of my 20’s. Still, being mindful of your health is important! No matter what age.
Being a mom has been a major ‘gear-shifter’ for me. I want to be here to hear my grandchildren call me ‘grandma’. I want to see my kids graduate high school. Buy their first house, heck even their first car! I want to be here for them in every aspect of their life. And this stupid cloud over my head, I let loom around, won’t disappear.
I resent my husband. His mom pays for his health insurance. Thankfully, my kids do have insurance, I’m the only one with no health coverage. At one hundred dollars a month, I just can not afford it. My husband says, “I told you to get it!” Then, a couple weeks later I hear, “I’m broke!” That’s when I figure, it’s a good thing I didn’t have insurance! But, what happens if something does happen to me? I caught myself putting ‘when something happens’, but I didn’t like the way it sounded.
I’ve been having heart palpitations lately – OK, so I’m self diagnosing here – and it scares me. Even if it could be nothing, it still scares me. I’m also the type of person who won’t push an issue. Even if my gut says yes, I’ll say no. Does that even make sense?
I know God is telling me to pick up my Bible and read. Put my Faith into Him. I’m failing Him, and I don’t like it. I’m failing my children. I just feel like I’m failing, period. I just ask for prayers and positive thoughts. That I can feel better about certain things going on in my life. That I can put my Faith and Trust into my loving Father.