It’s been a minute…

Hey y’all!

I know it’s been a minute since I’ve been around, but here I am.

I’ve noticed that when my anxiety gets bad, I take a break from things.  This blog being one of those ‘things’.  Sometimes, I just get writer’s block!

So, where to start.  For starters – my anxiety is causing me to worry excessively.  I’m a worrier by nature; I think it’s not only a female thing, but most definitely a mother thing.  Now, I’m getting older and I feel like it’s time I really start looking after myself and my health.  Only, I don’t have health insurance.  I can’t afford it.  I should say, I’m in my last year of my 20’s.  Still, being mindful of your health is important!  No matter what age.

Being a mom has been a major ‘gear-shifter’ for me.  I want to be here to hear my grandchildren call me ‘grandma’.  I want to see my kids graduate high school.  Buy their first house, heck even their first car!  I want to be here for them in every aspect of their life.  And this stupid cloud over my head, I let loom around, won’t disappear.

I resent my husband.  His mom pays for his health insurance.  Thankfully, my kids do have insurance, I’m the only one with no health coverage.  At one hundred dollars a month, I just can not afford it.  My husband says, “I told you to get it!” Then, a couple weeks later I hear, “I’m broke!”  That’s when I figure, it’s a good thing I didn’t have insurance!  But, what happens if something does happen to me?  I caught myself putting ‘when something happens’, but I didn’t like the way it sounded. 

I’ve been having heart palpitations lately – OK, so I’m self diagnosing here – and it scares me.  Even if it could be nothing, it still scares me.  I’m also the type of person who won’t push an issue.  Even if my gut says yes, I’ll say no.  Does that even make sense?

I know God is telling me to pick up my Bible and read.  Put my Faith into Him.  I’m failing Him, and I don’t like it.  I’m failing my children.  I just feel like I’m failing, period.  I just ask for prayers and positive thoughts.  That I can feel better about certain things going on in my life.  That I can put my Faith and Trust into my loving Father.


Target Clearance Fashionista

The other day while at Target, I noticed there was a mobile coupon for an additional 20% off kids clearance clothing.  Of course, clothes shopping was not on my list of things to do or buy, but Target did it again!  Lured me into departments I didn’t need to go into!

I had to limit myself, but picked up 3 items for my daughter – 2 shirts and 1 pair of boyfriend fit jeans – and 2 shirts for my son.  I couldn’t wait to let my daughter put her little outfit on!  So, she wore it when I took them to the skating rink for the first time this past weekend.

Target fashion
target kids fashion
Since buying these items, I’ve been to Kohls where I picked up a couple things for each of the kids.  Next up…the dreaded school supply shopping.  As much as I love it – I hate it just the same!  It’s a surefire way of saying “hey, my babies are growing up!”

Why God, WHY?

Why?  That one worded question has been on my mind a lot recently.   I have so many questions I want answered, and all I can say is, why?  I lift my head up to the sky and ask God, why?  Why am I stuck here?  Stuck in this unhappy place.

I’ve even been mad at Him for not getting me to where I need to be.  I know, His timing is everything.  I know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier.  My marriage is in shambles, has been for I don’t know how long.  What’s worse is, I want so bad to talk to y’all about it, to get it off my chest.  To, help me realize I’m not crazy, but I don’t think I’m ready to dive in that deep.

I can say this – we met young, were pregnant a short 6 months later.  After our first child was born, something hit me – I believe it was God waking me up.  He was telling me it was time to grow up.  I did.  My son’s father, however, wasn’t fully on board.  I went to work when our son was 6 months old, he stayed home sleeping all day.  He’s been in trouble with the law a few times, and even today, he has no license.  But, the thing that bothers me most is, the marriage we have, is not the marriage I want my kids to believe in.  There’s also affairs.  He’s left me when things were not good, to be with someone else.  The big thing, he’s addicted to prescription medicine.  I just don’t believe I’m suppose to raise my kids in a house that has all of this going on.

I only work part time, the last year and a half I have desperately been searching for a  full time job.  10 interviews later and nothing.  I don’t know what to do.  I’ve prayed and prayed about this and I just don’t know what to do.  I have no family here, I don’t have the funds to be on my own and support myself and my kids.  I’m lost.  Stuck here – asking God, why?

I’m exhausted.  Depressed.  Anxious.  Life took a turn, an unexpected one at that.  God is here with me.  I know He is, and some times, I just sit and pray that He wrap His arms around me; I feel it when He does.

Isaiah 41:10
‘so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Taking Time…


I’m going to be honest with you all…

I struggle with taking the time to break away from my hectic life, and just sit in the blissful life God has given me.

Maybe it comes with the everyday life mom’s tend to lead.  We get so consumed with the things that have to get done, that we constantly have that ‘go, go, go’ frame of mind.  Tell me I’m not the only one who’s mind is on overload with these types of things, “I’ve got to get the kitchen cleaned, laundry done, everybody needs to eat, did I forget something?  It feels like I forgot something?  Was the dog fed? What about the cat? Did I eat?”

For me, I work part time outside of the home.  So, when I get home, my shoes don’t typically come off until after the kids are ready for bed.  As soon as I walk through the door, to the kitchen I go.  Cleaning dishes and cooking dinner.  Making sure the kids are behaving and getting ready for bed.

All of these things, I think contribute to my anxiety, but I’ve grown accustom to it.  So, now when I do finally ‘relax’ and take time my mind doesn’t want to shut down and do what I want.

I’m ready to spend more TIME with my kids.  I’m not talking the, going here and going there, kind of time.  But, just time to sit and talk.  To love on one another.  We do, of course, but not enough.

Something I read a while ago really struck a cord with me – it went something like, “our children are only children for 18 years, then they have 60+ years to be an adult.”

When I think about that, it makes me sad.  It’s so true.  We only have such a short amount of time to spend with our children while they are young.  I don’t ever want my babies to grow up!!  There will come a time when, they don’t want to snuggle with us parents anymore.  I’m not ready for that time.

So, I’ve decided it’s time to take time and be with them.  In the moment.  In every moment I possibly can.  I took time away from reading this last year.  In an effort to get my son to read more, I decided I’ll take time and read with him.  Even if it’s him reading his book, and me reading mine.  We’ll be making sweet memories that will last a lifetime.  When my daughter wants to brush my hair, by golly, I’m going to let her brush my hair!

Has there been a time when you thought to yourself, I need to take time ?  Maybe you’re a mom who has been where I am.  You may even be the boss, and you need to take time to listen to your employees.  You might even be a student, and it’s time to take time and remember, it’s OK to relax and take time.

I’m going to be linking up to the “NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK” link up party!

Wine Down Wednesday

Every now and again, I like to just ‘wine-down’ and relax.  Sort of.

It’s really more of me sipping my wine while cleaning up.  Yea, you can find me vacuuming the house and in one hand there you’ll find my little ‘ol wine glass.

That’s me relaxing.  That’s a mom’s way of relaxing.

Just pour me a glass of some Pink Moscato and I’m on my way.  Don’t forget my cute little wine glass while we’re at it.

Isn’t it funny?  How, us women can be sitting around with no makeup, yoga pants, overly large t-shirt, and our hair a mess – with a cutesy little wine glass – and still, we have a sense of elegance?  There’s just something about a wine glass that makes me feel fan-freaking-tastic.

Hell, I like to even make a meal that pairs nicely with my selected wine.  (Look, I’m not afraid to go all out with this type of thing!)

A woman needs to feel fancy some times, without having to get all dolled up.  Don’t get me wrong, I would so spend a few minutes getting all fancy to just sit around my house.  But, let’s face it, I don’t want to waste my makeup, and I feel fancy enough just holding the stem of that wine glass.

I found this Pink Moscato at my local Aldi’s.  They’ve got great prices on their wines I’ll tell ya.  For a great price too.  I don’t mind a cheap wine…sometimes, it’s what I do.  I decided that I needed to make something light to go with such a ‘light’ wine.  So, I made this zucchini dish.

IMG_8868With zucchini, tomatoes, and feta cheese…you really can’t go wrong.  I found the recipe on Pinterest, you can find it at Bargain Briana. What’s great with Pink Moscato, you can enjoy a sweet wine with a slice of pizza.  Who would’ve thought?  Some more food pairing suggestions:

  • Glazed Ham
  • Lemon & Rosemary Chicken
  • King Crab

Do any of you like Pink Moscato?  Is there a wine you’d suggest me trying for my next Wine Down Wednesday?

Happy Birthday & OSC

July 1st, the baby of the family turned 6.  It’s hard to believe it’s been 6 years since  she was born!  It’s also hard for me to comprehend the fact that she’s most likely MY last baby.  I’d love to have another itty bitty, but I just don’t see it happening!  It’s just more lovin’ for my beebee’s!

10930178_10152987273902951_2769801761626192897_nTo celebrate I took the kids to the Orlando Science Center!  I’ve been wanting to go for quite some time, but never made it.  Until yesterday!  My son kept saying he didn’t want to go, it was boring (the child has never been…weirdo!)!  However, they both really enjoyed it!

orlando science centerorlando science centerorlando science center

We visited every level, but I think level 4, DinoDigs & Our Planet, was our favorite.  The dinosaurs were a hit for them, and I think the kids really enjoyed the “our planet” area the most.  They also enjoyed the NatureWorks on level 1.

Currently, you can see the Mummies of the World Exhibition, but we opted out of that this trip.  I, personally, would’ve loved to see what all the exhibition included.

We ended the day by going to gymnastics class and going to bed early!  All in all, I’d say it was a pretty good day.  Now, we’re off to eat cake and presents – yes, a day late, better late than never!

Lost in Faith


I’m losing faith.  Losing faith in myself and the fact that I’ll be stuck in this rut forever.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been ‘stuck’ in the same place in life for the last 10 years.  I’m not going anywhere.  It’s like I’m riding on one big wave.  I have a job that I’m thankful for, I have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

More importantly, I have my life and I have my kids.  I’m blessed beyond measure, but I’m not handing the things I dwell on, to God.  That is so hard for me to do.  Letting go, and letting God.  Let me give my worries to Him and be able to live more – for Him.

I feel like I have so much to offer, but I’m so busy over-thinking and worrying, that I’m lost.  I constantly question why I’m still in this dark place within my life.  I can live with the anxiety, but I’m getting tired of living unhappy.  Living with someone, who I’ve felt, has brought me down instead of up.  I watch him living his life, getting what he wants, and then, I watch him dwindling down to nothing while he is high on cloud 9.

It’s not fair.  That’s what I keep hearing myself saying.  I want to succeed, I want my kids to succeed and learn about respect.  Looking around, I see the things I COULD have had.  Now, I look around and see the things I don’t have.  cross

It’s time I turn the ‘me and I’s’ around and turn them into, “What does HE want”?  And, what does He want for me?  It’s time to let him take control.  I’m afraid.  Anxious.  Nervous.  Overwhelmed.  But, it’s’ time.  If I have to live in an unhappy home, if even for a short while longer, I will.  I will have to find it in me, to have faith.  Something I’ve lost so long ago.

I know I can’t go on much longer.  I want to walk closer to God, like I once did.  I want to feel His loving arms wrap around me.  Telling me it’s OK.  Those are the things I want and need.

Have you ever felt lost in your faith?